Not Having It

It wasn't the big rainstorm that woke me -- I was already sleepless.  My curiosity about the storm merely launched me out of bed.  I made coffee and came here to the living room to play around on the computer until it's time to get ready for work.  What's on my mind?

My dad is now of the age that he requires help for nearly everything he does.  My cousin lives with him and takes care of him, but she's getting up there in years herself.  Their house has some problems, namely rats and is generally untidy -- no, make that frankly filthy.  Dad has started to fall more frequently, and my cousin can't get him up without help any more.  To complicate things even further, my cousin's family is enacting Highly Dramatic Fantasy Problems right in Dad's living room. Things there have gotten so bad that a neighbor has been calling me on the phone and filling my ear, importuning me to immediately come and get him out of there.  However, there isn't much I can do right now.  School starts in a few days, and it's a hard three day's drive each way to get out there.  Flights aren't cheap when you plan for them, and they really gouge you if you have to buy one without the two weeks' advance time.  However, if I did show up at my dad's house, what would I be able to do?  I can't just take him; I don't have power of attorney and Dad's sentient enough to not need it right now and he would definitely fight me and rightly so.  I don't have anywhere else for him to go at a moment's notice.  Sis can't take him because they are still renovating their house, and it's small to start with.  He could come here, but I'd have to hire full-time care for him.  I can't lift him, and the Emperor certainly can't.  Dad will probably want to stay in his hometown, and I'd prefer that myself because that's where his life is, where most of our family lives.  We also don't want him to feel like he's being "handled."  If he wants to stay right where he is and wallow in his own filth, then we have to respect that, even if we find it repugnant.  If he wants to get the house cleaned up and get some home health care to relieve my cousin, we'll need to find a way to get that done.  We just need to figure out what Dad wants, and make it happen.

Earlier in the evening, Sis and I bought plane tickets to go home together and have The Talk with Dad late next month.  Dad's neighbor was kind enough to forward some good resources for senior care in his area, so waiting a few weeks to go will give us time to explore them.  After I went to bed, I lay awake and rehearsed the scene in my mind over and over again, obsessing on one small detail: we'll have to bring folding chairs to sit on, because there won't be any place to sit in Dad's living room while we talk to him.

It's amazing what your brain will fixate on when you'd much rather be sleeping.

I'd go back to bed now -- I'm tired enough -- but my alarm will go off in a minute and I need to get ready to go to the fall "convocation."  If I can stay awake long enough to get through the meetings, I can come home and take a nap.